Cheaters: Men Cheaters and the Women They Cheat With
Posted: Wednesday, July 11, 2007
by Stephany Alexander
Men cheat women due to several reasons. Sometimes they do so because they have the opportunity. Cheating is typically done by three types of men: those with low self esteem, those who are unhappy at home and those who are afraid of commitment and are seeking 'fun love'. According to the statistics on cheating spouses, 50 to 70% of married men (between 38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives. One recent study found that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had no idea their husbands were having an affair - largely because they failed to recognize their cheating signs.
Men who cheat women by keeping relationships stray through a conflict of perception. What their women perceive that men want from them may not be necessarily what those men actually desire, and women seldom seek to find out because they are afraid of the answers! So after the honeymoon period is over, when their desires have not been fulfilled, spouses soon seek it elsewhere. In the meantime the women who are affected turn on the men and blame them for their 'bad' behavior instead of looking into themselves to see where they have missed a connection and, at worse, getting out of their demoralizing situation. It is always easier to verify others because it stops us looking at ourselves, but women aren't tied to philandering men. One very lucid example of a man cheating would be if a man were to regularly take one particular coworker out to lunch or dinner meetings. In most of the cases, it would be safe to assume that she offers him more than just a discussion about work. She is also probably providing him with emotional companionship, giving him an opportunity to share his thoughts and feelings.
Men who are cheating emotionally often begin to question whether or not they should be seeing that one particular woman as much as they are now. They know deep down inside really well that she means more to them than just a regular female friend would and thus feel a degree of guilt for seeing her.One in five married women has had a fling in the past, the highest numbers ever recorded, according to one group of researchers. In fact, the numbers of cheating wives has now equalled the statistics on cheating husbands. For more information check out this link.Society has given women the permission to be sexually active, and it is perfectly clear why women do it, it is for the same reasons men do. They are not getting what they want out of their marriage.The workplace, working out, the Internet, women now have more sexual opportunities than ever before. With better salaries and no children, the stakes seem to be low even if they are caught.
Celebrity Example
When we talk about cheating women, the famous personality, which comes into picture, is Mr Hugh Grant, who is a popular star of Hollywood during the 90's. His popularity also stood with a series of accusation he has been involved with. While dating with Hurley, he was arrested in Hollywood for indecent conduct with a prostitute, Divine Brown, in a public place. But sooner he has given an apology for this on the Tonight Show with Jay Leon. Then afterwards, again he began dating a socialite and Unicef ambassador Jemima Khan, ex-wife of Imran Khan.
Stephany Alexander is the founder of http://www.WomanSavers.com the World's Largest Database Rating Men. She has been quoted on CNN, Fox Nationwide, the New York Times, and more. She has created over 10 women's comedy cartoon ecards, 6 women's online games. She has been guest on hundreds of radio shows. For more information or to interview, please email womansavers@womansavers.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)The problem is that biologically we are programmed to cheat. (Both men and women). However, we have a sentient nature which means that we feel pain when the cheating is against us. Cheating programmed into our animalistic instincts as it is a way of organisms ensuring that they have varied and genetically 'fit' offspring that ensures that they have genetic representation in the next generation. (i.e. genetcally varied offspring will not all die from the same disease. Unfortunatly we are no longer beasts with shallow transient emotions. We have developed into complex beings who no longer simply follow our biological urges. Morals and a desire for relationship stability help us to overide these. The problem is that our biological urges are still lurking below the surface and sometimes come to the fore in contolling our behaviour. When this happens they are in direct conflict with that which we know will make us happy in the long run. Sometime when the situation is right it is possible for both men and women to loose the fight with these urges and cheat on their partners. What is the answer? short of controlling hormonal urges with medical inteventions there are three possiblities. 1) Bring back in a strict moral code with severe penalties for those that break it. (like Afganistan) 2) Just get used to the idea of general sexual proiscuity as some cultures have done (i.e. Ancient Britain, the South Pacific in pre-christian times) or the third way is to carry on as we are and acknowledge that pain is an inherant part of the human condition and we should just get used to it! What do you think?
Good article. Let me just share some thoughts. I think that people cheat, men and women alike, when the opportunity arises. There will always be gaps and struggles in relationships: emotional, financial and sexual! And these are huge reasons why men and women cheat. When they are faced with temptations, they become overwhelmed by it and they seize the chance to take advantage of a situation where they can get pleasure knowing that an affair will remain a secret after all. Certainly, its a human fault with the norms of society not allowing polygamy. Only a person with an utmost self-control, respect, and love for the partner cannot ever dare cheat.
Aaron from New Zealand above is probably right, that men are biologically programmed to sexually desire multiple women.Oddly, among my closest friends where cheating led to counselling and/or separation, it was the wife who commenced cheating, while the husband remained faithful. I don't read about this in the above article. Maybe women are better at hiding it.
Some people cheat for recreation. That's all. This "innocent fun" undermines the love they would have for the spouse. Please do not think that a spouse deserves anything less than total emotional and physical loyalty; it is not a marriage. If they both agree to an open marriage (which never work) that is the only option. Anything less is, emotional blackmail for both. I speak from thirty years of counselling. Serial cheaters are not capable of emotional depth and commitment which causes tremendous pain for those who give it to them.
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