Top 10 Reasons Why Men Have Affairs.
Posted: Friday, June 08, 2007
by Stephany Alexander
There are many different kinds of reasons for men to have affairs. Forces such as sexual attraction, companionship, excitement and curiosity can pull men toward affairs. Affairs are often glamorized in movies, romance novels, soap operas, and TV shows. Public disclosure of public figures having affairs is headline news because people are fascinated and titillated by hearing about others' affairs. Men are bombarded with images of women as sex objects in advertising and marketing campaigns. Over and over, the message to men is that the good life includes a procession of sexy women in their lives. Women inadvertently buy into this image and struggle to achieve it. The lack of good sex education and the existence of sexual taboos combine to make it difficult to talk honestly about sex.
The top 10 reasons why men have affairs include:
1. More sex (sometimes due to lack of sex in their relationship)
2. Sexual variety through different partners or different sexual experiences
3. Too boost their ego to feel special or still attractive to the opposite sex
4. For the thrill of the chase
5. Opportunistic sex (if the opportunity occurs, they can’t pass it up)
6. To sabotage their current relationship
7. Revenge (to get back at their partner for one reason or another)
8. A feeling of entitlement (the belief they are entitled because they work hard or are the bread winner)
9. Sexual addiction
10.To escape
There is no such thing as a perfect affair. Keeping an on-going affair is a juggling act of covering up lies, explaining time away, and dealing with associated guilt feelings. The cheater becomes consumed by guilt and sometimes lashes out even more at their partner.
Stephany Alexander is the founder of http://www.WomanSavers.com the World's Largest Database Rating Men. She has been quoted on CNN, Fox Nationwide, the New York Times, and more. She has created over 10 women's comedy cartoon ecards, 6 women's online games. She has been guest on hundreds of radio shows. For more information or to interview, please email womansavers@womansavers.com
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More commentsits as this... Keep your man happy, dont be a nagger... the real question is... why do woman allow married men into their lives with the intention of having an affair? Its simple.... any man wants what he cant have... and if you are married, every woman is something that they cant have... excluding their wife. So ill ask again, why do woman let married men into their lives with the intention of having an affair?
I don't understand why I am being drawn into having an affair with a man I just met. We have not been intimate yet, but my mind and my heart are not feeling harmonious at this time. He is being dishonest to his family and to himself and the truth is, I will be supporting this if I continue. Is this a moral dilemna ? The frustrating thing I van foresee is that I won't be able to contact him when I feel like it, nor will I be able to make love when i feel like it. I appreciate all your thoughts about this. Something does not feel right about it, so why do I wish to carry on?please dont continue with this theres better men out there.what about his family.it isnt making love its just sex.how would you like it if someone slept with your partner.you wouldnt.Whatever you do not have an affair with this man , if he wants to be a unfaithful pig let him but don't you rise to it. I've seen what affairs can do , it's horrible. You are probably just experiencing lust or something. You might want a love or you could feel lonely at the moment if you don't have a boyfriend or husband.Eish dear I knw what you mean .i am in the same boat .
it is hard .just think about it this way .what if the other lady would do the samething to you ?how wil you feel .i think you should draw you conclusion from that .
I have read this artical and agree that men have affairs outside of marriage. But, don't forget the reasons. Women are sooo wraped up in themselves that they have no time for their men. Women worry about big boobs and looking sexy for the public more than for their man. Not to mention looking 20 at 50. Wake up women. Women like to think it is always the mans fault well, I have news, I have been married twice and the first got PG by another man within 6 months. The second came home with herpes after 25 years of marriage. How long she had been in other affairs, I don't know. Guess what? I never cheated. So all men are not guilty.Your situration is odd (wrong women). I met my husband when I was 22, married at 25, and now 15 years later, found out (while I was undergoing cancer treatments) he stated an affair. Not his first affair on me, but the only one, he was not so good at keeping a secret. All along he kept telling me , "it's all in my head" and that I needed counseling for my low self esteem. I don't know if I will ever trust a man again, I just don't know. Cheating and bold face lieing for yearsI can so relate to you and its not all in your head...You are so right about stating it wasnt his first affair but the one you found out about....Its now about building up our self confidence and starting to really respect ourselves...Its taking me a long time but I know I will cope...Wish you all the luck in the world.....
When a man marries his mistress, he creates a new vacancy...My advice is : Always check their track record before making a commitment.
i've cheated on my wife after 6months and now after 3 years i am thinking about it again. the reason is to escape my current situation and to feel a connection with someone. i am looking online how to stop these feelings. i am not a bad person, i feel lonely. i should really just speak to my wife but what am i suppose to say, hey honey, im thinking of cheating again... give me more attention please...what you need to tell your wife is exactly what is missing in your relationship and why you feel that another woman is able to provide you with something which from your perspective is lacking in your relationship. does this connection you mention consists of sex or is it something more? do you feel special and loved for your self by the other woman? or have you developed a cheating patern as a means of escaping what married people take for granted. such as togetherness, familiarity and predictability. affairs provide excitement and stimulation but for how long and at what cost? honesty is the best policy and after three years you owe it to your wife to be honest about your feelings and your motives toward your need to escape from something which obviously preocupies your thoughts. perhaps your wife can provide you with whatever it is that the other woman does but if you dont tell her how will she know? unless she discovers your infidelity and decide to do the same thing or leave you altogether.
if so why did you stay with your wife even though you feel the need to escape and what are you escaping from? routine and boredom of permanency
over six years ago this man who was in a very troubled relationship began pursuing me. initialy i didnt take him seriously because i was not attracted to him but over a period of three months i developed feelings for him and found him physicaly attractives so i consented to a physical relationship which was mind blowing. as time wore on my feelings became very intense and all i wanted was him but he disapeared for six weeks only to return and pursue me again. this patern continued for years and i felt emotionaly drained and exhaused especily when follloing intimacy he became emotionaly abusive. i felt that his infidelity was causing him to lash out toward me but he couldnt decide what he wanted or what to do? when i quoted him about the fact that in the begining i commented that given his circumstances i couldnt see where this would lead? he replied "my marriage wasnt working then". i felt disadvantaged because i loved him so much without him reciprocating those feelings but i was unable to terminate this vicious cilcle sinse we lived in such close proximity and i couldnt escape him even if i wanted to. during that time i questioned his motives which consisted of physical attraction, regaining his ego and manhood, revennge toward his wife for running off with another man and bearing his child only to return to him because that man was physicaly abusive toward her. he embroiled me in his marriage drama and delema which he had no control and was causing him grief. I left the scene for a year and a half but when i returned he began pursuing me again only this time he wanted something more. he wanted to include his wife which came as a shock and a joke but he meant it. he called it experimentation. i tald him i do not experiment in that department and after he left i went to their house and confronted him and his wife asking whos idea was this? she replied it was his idea and sinse he was already involved with me they should approch me first. i tald them that they were both @#$%&*ed in the head and as i walked out i said everything is in between your @#$%&*ing legs and even that doesnt work half the time.
he replied "youl be back and i said dont count on it". I am no longer in pain of missing him and wanting him because in my veiw he turned our relationship into a joke which to me it was sacred, meaningful and beautiful. but that was my perspective. I still love him and miss him and i am able to ignore his selfish egotistical needs and fantacies even though i disaprove of them. i tald him that if he needs to get it out of his system he can count me out. i havent seen him for six months because i havent had the need and i deliverately stayed out of sight which i am able to do now six years later and emotionaly stronger then ever. loving a man for himself means and involves loving his faults and his flaws whithin your bounderies of course. and what goes around adventualy comes around when we least expect it.
Yes, the website give me an insight to what I'm abuot to ambark on - a relationship with a very married man.
I have no problem having an affair with a married man. I don't think sexual monogomy is realistic. As long as the cheated on spouse doesn't find out (sex is safe)..what's the big deal...it may make the married partner in the affair a better spouse because their sexual and companionship needs are satisfied on both ends (at home and with their chosen sex partner).Well someday you will find that the wife has a problem with you having an affair with her husband. And when that happens you'll find yourself in a world of hurt. Public humiliations, job disturbances, bricks through your windows, some people have even been murdered by the spouse of their lover. Good luck with that...
I have been chatting with a guy who is in a relationship with a long-term girlfriend. We've had phone sex, yahoo sex, racy photos by MMS message. He wants to sleep with me. He says that he has a 'preference' for my race (his gf is of another race). He's exciting, funny, successful yes. I let him drive me to work. I really like him. However, I meet guys like him all the time. Successful, unavailable men (emotionally unavailable too)...and I get mad at the whole situation. I think my anger is what stops me from sleeping with him. I know I deserve better but at age 36, never married, no children...is this all that is out there for me? It's a struggle to not go running into his arms when he calls...but I've remained celebate, so far. It's hard to say no when I'm so lonely for affection from a man. I know there are single guys out there but some are struggling in every way. This guy has his sh*t together except for the emotional stuff. He says nice things to me but then says things to me that I know means that he's only wanting sex. I need more than that. I just hope that my anger about this is strong enough for me to stay away from him!
I have spoken to my wife countless times about the situation. I have tried many different ways of trying to get her more excited about sex. I ask her what she likes, what she doesn't, what I could do more of to help. Nothing works. Flowers, love letters, cleaning up the house before she gets home. Not a damn thing makes her horny. She is only interested in sex until she gets hers then I'm just practicing. She won't be aggressive with me at all in a sexual setting. She basically has caused me erectile dysfunction because she does not try to turn me on at all. She has associated herself with consistent let downs in the sex department and it has become hard for me to be attracted to her sexually because of this.
I can't tell her I am thinking of an affair because I don't feel like I should have to go without passion for the rest of my life...but that's the truth. I've encouraged books on the topic, talking about it casually when there is no stress involved, and I get a brick wall. She thinks there is nothing wrong, that she likes sex, just not as much as me. I don't have the first clue how to express my frustration in a productive fashion, and I have no interest in getting a divorce. We only have sex when she wants to now, because that is the only time I feel like she actually wants me back. I basically don't try to have sex with her anymore because I know she wont be interested, or she'll do it completely half-assed with no passion at all. Sometimes, this type of scenario, can cause a man to start thinking that an affair might not be such a bad idea.John - You must be so frustrated, trying to talk to your wife, and basically being dismissed. Also, I see you putting in so much effort to try to romance her, which is so sweet, but she doesn't seem to appreciate it. So sorry about that. I wish you could make her understand how serious this is.
I can relate to all that you are saying. My husband is a good guy, but he is busy and tired all the time. I get the short end of the stick when it comes to romance & sex. I feel like he doesn't even notice me. I always have to initiate -- I'm getting tired of being the one putting in the effort.
I never thought I would consider an affair. I've always been a "good girl." Lately I have been getting a lot of attention from men at the gym. I work out every day, and keep very fit. One man in particular is 15 years younger than I am. He is handsome, fun, attentive, and built like a linebacker. I know that he is meeting emotional needs that my husband ignores. Recently, this guy offered me a physical relationship. I said no, but the temptation is unbearable. I think about him all of the time. I can't sleep. What do I do? Tell my husband, "Hey -- if you don't listen to me, I might have an affair with a hot, young guy"?well what are you waiting for
Yeah, that's basically the scenario. The last thing in the world you want to do is cheat...but when your spouse ignores you sexually I don't think they understand what kind of threat they are creating. And you're right..how do you tell your spouse how dangerously close they are to losing you intimately? I don't know. The problem is you jeopardize the the good feelings of having a clean marriage. And soon the affair becomes like a normal relationship "How was your day?" type talk. But then again..if they don't want to marry you, and they don't want to take you from your spouse..just have the bomb sex and get it out of your system. I don't know. Apparently the French think it is normal to have affair's, it keeps life exciting and interesting...just don't leave you're spouse. I don't think it should be normal...unfortunately there is no satisfying answer to the dilemma. Either way you lose. No passion, but a clean faithful marriage. Or...the passion you always wish your spouse would give to you but doesn't, and the feelings of unfaithfulness, and an unclean marriage.I am in a similar situation.
I spoke with my wife countless times but she just does not understand this. Men are built very differently and we need this to feel intimate and connected. I told her that very bluntly and she just does not get it.
I said I care about her but I just needed her to be a little more intimate about sex. Then she said I should be upfront about it. It kinda takes the excitement out and so I tried. But every time I ask her do you want to she will respond with "Sure, but I'm tired you'll have to do all the work."
I'm like what the? It really dampens my spirit and I just retire for the night sometimes crying myself to sleep. I know this is kinda weak but I really do care for us. We have been together for almost 15 years now and met in school.
We're only in our early 30s but it just seems that in recent years our flame seem to have burnt out and most of the conversation seem to be "How's your day?" and "What did you have for dinner?".
We haven't had sex for over 4 months.
I really don't know what else to do and at a time like this my mind really wonders and hope I have someone else I can turn to. Someone more appreciative and be with me not just for sex but in the process appreciate me as a man.
On the other hand, I am appalled at myself to have such thoughts because to me, a marriage is sacred.
I don't know what to do. Just talking to her and she says she understands and she'll change, but nothing gets fixed.
Well, this statement is just from me. I'm probably also a prick and not seeing it and that is why she just don't like me now. This is after all just a one-sided statement and you can't judge properly and tell me where the problem is. I'm crying again as I write this because I'm feeling so lonely, so hurt.4 months? You are not a prick. That is neglect. And just plain wrong. If you don't have kids get the hell out of there, but damn...15 years. That's an ugly divorce, and a long time of coping and trying to figure out how to start a new life...I don't know. No easy solution here. There is this book...I think it's called "Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships". It looks like a good place to start. Try that first. If you have an affair there is no going back to the feeling of staying committed. That will be gone forever. But we do need passion so...do what you gotta do. You have clearly addressed your concerns, but somehow you two are obviously not seeing eye to eye. Sex obviously isn't on her priority list so what is on her priority list?
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